Top Ten Reasons Not To Join The Access Fund

Although I didn't write this, I found it too funny not to post. It was actually written by a "hacker." I'm not kidding. At 1:37am on 4-25-2000, some unknown person hacked into my server, posted this message on the "News & Info" board, and then e-mailed it to Rick Thompson (National Dir. of the Access Fund). All the while, it appeared that it was coming from my e-mail address. After finding the problem, I e-mailed Rick to explain that it wasn't me who was sending him hate mail. Sadly, he never received the original message; I guess that hackers just aren't what they were five years ago. Anyway, I found the posting to be very funny. Now I know already that a lot of you will be offended by this posting. Lighten up! Can't you laugh at yourself every once in a while? Oh well, have fun.

  1. Why waste your money? "What have you done for me lately?"
  2. Since the Access Fund directly conflicts with Uncle Sam, it might be safe to equate their activities with flag burning. Thusly, the Access Fund has adopted a new slogan; "Burn a flag, save a crag!"
  3. Even God, I mean Yvon Chouinard, doesn't support them.
  4. In no other business can you screw both sides; confuse "the Man" with environmental issues and fuck "the climbers" by taking their money.
  5. Being a member of the Access Fund is like fence building. The only problem is that, usually, once you build a fence, you find yourself on one side of the fence. Some how, the Access Fund has found a way to ride both sides of the fence; fuck us and fuck them!
  6. Make a trail, kill the environment, build a "shitter," pave a parking lot, bring in the masses; call it progress. More people equals more money.
  7. If you give them $100.00 you get a FREE water bottle. Let me stand in line.
  8. In what other climbing organization can you be "represented" by people that pick on fellow climbers.
  9. "Read my lips. No new bolts!"
  10. "Who were you? The Access Fund? Oh, that's right. You are that lobbying group that represents less that one percent of the total American population. By the way, thanks for the political contribution."