You Might be A Climber If...

• You own a $75 dress suit and a $1000 Gore-Tex suit.
• You have ever frozen your lips to an ice screw while blowing an ice plug at your partner.
• You have ever used an ice axe to chop weeds in the garden.
• A Mexican bus driver has ever had to open his window because of the way you smelled.
• You have more summit pictures than wedding pictures.
• You've ever had icicles hanging from any part of your face.
• You can pronounce Popocatepetl correctly more than once in a row.
• You've ever fallen so far that you've run out of adrenaline before you ran out of rope.
• You say "Namaste" instead of "Hello".
• You like the smell of burning yak dung.
• Your suncream is always in a solid state when you need it the most.
• What you call cold is not on the thermometer scale.
• When you hear the words 'nose', 'captain' or 'aid', your hands start hurting and swelling.
• 'Cos 90°' means it was too steep to go and has nothing to do with 1.
• You arrive at a climbing gym with stoppers and friends still in your bag.
• You see a girl in the street and you think: "Hmmm, she's a TD+/5.11...".
• Your definition of a candlelight dinner is: "Thaw the ice with the candle and put it in the bag of freeze-dry".
• You hear the name "Hillary" and think of Everest instead of Mrs. Clinton and White House scandals.
• You understood all the previous lines. If you even laughed, you should get back to work...
• You don't walk down stairs, you rappel.
• You've used an ice axe to clean off the front steps in winter.
• You're constantly asking to borrow your wife's ponytail holders
• Your spare bedroom looks like a North Face Outlet
• Your tent is worth more than your car
• Your tent is worth more than your house
• Your tent remains set up in your bedroom
• You remind your wife every day to bury you in your tent....(and she says 'Yes dear, I know..')
• You have more Duct Tape than HQ has Duct Tape.
• When you mention FREEZING TO DEATH, AVALANCHES or HIDDEN CREVASSES , your wife just smiles, nods and says "so how are we on bills dear?"
• Your ElCap topo is on your living room wall
• Your other ElCap topo is on your bathroom wall
• Your other ElCap topo is in your wife's purse.
• You know your a climber when self arrest doesn't mean you turn yourself in to the police station.
• You know when your a climber when you start coiling your extension cords the same as you do your ropes.
• You know your a climber when you no longer have anything in common with most other people.
• You know your a climber when all your relatives keep referring to you as the crazy one in the family.
• You know your a climber when you keep finding carabiners all around your house and in your car.
• You know your a climber when the majority of your "friends" are hanging on your rack.